Week 12 Rain Delays

Another fine meal prepared by Kirky


We had a bit of a rain shower on Wednesday but all groups finished and are on track for the year end schedule.

I really don't mind playing in the rain and the same holds true for some of my fellow golfers. About 12 of us assembled in the shelter near the 8th tee to wait out the rain when Bruce suggested removing our shirts to dry them under the hand blower in the mens room.

What a great idea.

Bruce, Lester and Kirky all went into the mens room topless and turned on the blower. They were in there for about a half hour with the door locked. When they emerged, Kirky's hat was on sideways, his glasses were missing, Les was wearing Bruce's pants and they were all smoking cigarettes.

I witnessed a touching moment at Sandies after the round.
I was sitting at my table pantless reviewing the bylaws when I heard an older fellow yell out "Son is that you." I looked up and noticed Mike GangsterofLove look in his direction. The old man yelled out, "I'm so proud of him." He then got up from his barstool, finished his 14oz glass of Dewars, navigated the 6 different elevations in Sandies floor and embraced his son. Bruce then hugged both of them and slowly the three walked to the corner of the bar.
When I left, Bruce was slow dancing with Mike's estranged Father while Mike was curled in the fetal position under the pool table sobbing.

See You Fuckers next week.

Week 11 - Year End Outing Update

Picture of my beautiful Wife and daughters.



Well last week was uneventful. The cart girl is still a huge Bitch and turns into a mute whenever I'm around, I refuse to tip her and will not engage her in anymore conversation. Cornell sucks the big Red one too.

Don't forget to fork over $75.00 for the final outing at Chestnut Hill. We play the final outing and championship match at a completely different course because this league is run by a bunch of complete fucking dip-shits. I am only the handicap manager so don't complain to me, call Bruce LOL!!!

The $75.00 includes 1 hot dog for lunch, one scoop of jello and a tube steak for dinner. It also includes the impressive trophies that Kirky molds out of the left over beans from Hot Dog night. We hope to have a 6 pack of beer to share with the fellas as well.

Dungaree night is coming up so be sure to wear your best Wranglers.

Almost forgot, see you fuckers next week.

Week 10 Golf Update

Well another 90 degree Wednesday golf night at the Beav, at least we were able to finish our 9 holes under 3 1/2 hours.

The night could have gone better but the cart girl is bipolar and/or deaf and acts indifferent to some of the golfers, ok just me, friggin witch. I'm going to disconnect the brake cable on her cart and watch with enjoyment as she plummets into the scum covered pond, I wish a curse of roids on her as well.

I witnessed a miracle of nature while on the 5th hole. A large bullfrog was enjoying the hot sun when suddenly an errant shot made a direct hit on the poor fella. I caught it on tape and included it for your enjoyment.

The 90 plus temperature, 190% humidity and lack of air conditioning at Sandies made it feel like you were in Satan's bowel. Carol's face of plastic was starting to disintegrate the and even the flies were repulsed.

I recommend the Cajun Wings at "Say Beefcake" if you're looking to remove a few layers of stomach lining. Wednesday is "Ugly Women With Tramp Stamp Night."

The course is in fine shape as Burl Ives aka Gary turned the sprinkler on for 10 minutes to take a shower.

Don't forget to repair your ballmarks and remember Sandies new rule, No Shirt, No Sleeves, No Service.

See you fuckers next week, and don't forget the cart girl is a huge BIIIIIIIITCH.

Week 9 Results

Salisbury Steak ala Sandies


Well the weather was a little hot but we all had a swell time Wednesday night.
The sweltering muggy weather did not stop some of you die hards from wearing long pants and some even wore Dungarees!!!I'll bet your Jock Itch is much better because of it.
The drinks and atmosphere at Sandies was interesting, it was so hot even the Flies were sluggish.

Some of the fella's from FedExcrement wanted to pair up with the guys from the Tribune but since the fella's from FedExcrement are Douchebags, the offer was declined.

Ill be late next week as I'm going in for a Penile implant and may be a little sore. The last one was removed as it was worn out, as was my Rotater Cuff and I have carpal tunnel syndrome and some blistering on my hand as well.

See you Fuckers next week.

Week 1 Second Half Begins

My Neice on the Course, Jenny Cochnocher, aint she cute.


Well we made it to the first week of the second half of the season. Thanks again for all of the help cleaning up after Hot Dog night, everyone pitched in but the fella's from the Tribune, they must have had a deadline. The extra relish will not go to waste, Kirky poured it into one of his golf shoes and will bring it back for Hot Dog night in a few weeks.

Remember that due to the rainout a few weeks back the season has been extended by a week and all scores from that week will be posted as per the blind, minus handicap plus we add the last weeks score and the square root of my left nut.

Best Dressed Golfer goes to Mike GangsterofLove for his Toxic Orange shirt and Pasty White legs. Lester looked resplendent in a neatly pressed pair of Wranglers.

I had a great time at Sandies after my round and can't say enough about the chef. I ordered the Tofu Burger and white rice, the light was dim but I swear my rice was moving on my plate. The Grapevine may have their Fish Tanks but Sandies has a nightly Air Show with different breeds of Flies fighting for the air space. The dog in Sandies gave it a down home feel, so much so that I unbuttoned my pants and peed in front of the TV.

I never see the Luvata fella's at Sandies, they get caught up playing slap and tickle in the parking lot after the round and end up spanking each other.

Have a great Fourth of July, I plan on spending some quality time with myself and a good periodical.
See you fuckers next week.