Fellas,




Haven't been able to update the site lately as I've had a beef brisket lodged in my colon for the last month. Feel a little bloated however some of the meds I'm taking have increased my hearing capacity!!
I am now able to hear anyone talking about me or the league within a 100 yard radius so quit poking fun at me.

I've decided that the last group on the course can pencil in whatever name they see fit for closest to the pins or long drive. I've decided that birdie holes will only happen when I say so, so fuck off.

I've decided to eat my weight in brisket at the new pub.
I've decided to play slap and tickle with Hunter after eating the brisket.

See you fuckers next time.

Your proud Infidel,

Joe D (as in Dolt)

Gents,

Congrats to last weeks winner Dave Fellatio with the birdie for $50- he has a 19 handicap for 9 holes, yes that's correct - 19 Handicap for 9 holes at the BEAV!! This would equal a Handicap of 60 at Grover Cleveland.
Scoring has changed -  each hole is now worth as many pounds as my morning turd.

Please remember Summer Rules except for areas under repair, drainage ditches etc.. - you may have to walk 30 or 40 yards to find a clean patch of grass.

Also, the cart bag straps apparently still have some KY on them from my late night games of slap and tickle with Delacy so beware of falling bags.

I'll be at Say Ripoff eavesdropping and editing scorecards after the round.

See you fuckers next week (or in my dreams).


Sincerely,
The Dummy

Gents - thanks for finding 17 more random people to act as golfers in the league that already has too many members, as are last night we are almost full. If the new members don't show up or don't pay, then I'll find some homeless people and bring them in.
This week we'll have 2 closest to the pins' and one closest to my crotch - I'll be straddling the final hole wearing nothing but a smile.
Ties will carry over to next week when I'll dream up some other contest that will make absolutely no sense whatsoever, consistent with everything else.
Remember this week is also establish your handicap week. New golfers will be slotted in first place for the remainder of the year.

Good Day.