Fellas,




Haven't been able to update the site lately as I've had a beef brisket lodged in my colon for the last month. Feel a little bloated however some of the meds I'm taking have increased my hearing capacity!!
I am now able to hear anyone talking about me or the league within a 100 yard radius so quit poking fun at me.

I've decided that the last group on the course can pencil in whatever name they see fit for closest to the pins or long drive. I've decided that birdie holes will only happen when I say so, so fuck off.

I've decided to eat my weight in brisket at the new pub.
I've decided to play slap and tickle with Hunter after eating the brisket.

See you fuckers next time.

Your proud Infidel,

Joe D (as in Dolt)

Gents,

Congrats to last weeks winner Dave Fellatio with the birdie for $50- he has a 19 handicap for 9 holes, yes that's correct - 19 Handicap for 9 holes at the BEAV!! This would equal a Handicap of 60 at Grover Cleveland.
Scoring has changed -  each hole is now worth as many pounds as my morning turd.

Please remember Summer Rules except for areas under repair, drainage ditches etc.. - you may have to walk 30 or 40 yards to find a clean patch of grass.

Also, the cart bag straps apparently still have some KY on them from my late night games of slap and tickle with Delacy so beware of falling bags.

I'll be at Say Ripoff eavesdropping and editing scorecards after the round.

See you fuckers next week (or in my dreams).


Sincerely,
The Dummy

Gents - thanks for finding 17 more random people to act as golfers in the league that already has too many members, as are last night we are almost full. If the new members don't show up or don't pay, then I'll find some homeless people and bring them in.
This week we'll have 2 closest to the pins' and one closest to my crotch - I'll be straddling the final hole wearing nothing but a smile.
Ties will carry over to next week when I'll dream up some other contest that will make absolutely no sense whatsoever, consistent with everything else.
Remember this week is also establish your handicap week. New golfers will be slotted in first place for the remainder of the year.

Good Day.

Gentlemen,
Last minute,but I will be meeting some gang members up at the Paddock Golf Dome to collect dues, play pocket pool and answer any question about my love life you may have.  I'll be there at 5:00, I plan on hitting myself in the groin a few times first.  See you if your interested.



Joe D

 
Subject: 2014 Beaver island Golf Club Dues & Fees

Gentlemen,
The following changes have been made to our league fees

1. $1200 Reservation Fees (15 weeks x 40Golfers x $2) are no longer required.

2.  All greens fees, $440, are do prior to the first group teeing off each week(40 golfer x $11)

3. All those who tee off after 5:30 will be required to pay a one time fee of $17 for a miner's hat with flashlight attached.

The end result of this is that for golf this year your going to pay $165 instead of $195 however this will have to be upfront or in installment throughout the year, I'm still trying to figure out the easiest way to handle it without it being an accounting nightmare. I have a fairly serious gambling problem in addition to an addiction to porn and need the money upfront to support my vices. I am also being sued by Mo for taking over the league and need money for my legal woes.
This fee would be do even if you miss weeks.  Please consider this you were only out $2 a week before now you will be out $11.

I need a response on whether or not your still in and also if you have any payment suggestions I'd love to hear them.  I cant wait for this golf season and cannot wait to make out with Carol Channing after a night of heavy drinking at Say Cheese.

Thanks!

Joe D.

Recap at Halfway Mark

Well we are halfway home and it looks like a tight race between the Ronconians and Tire throwers.
The heat has made it tough for the fella's that wear dungarees and we're glad that Mike Gangsta of love put his sharpie away. Bruce did confirm his hatred of Muslims and said the likeness of his wang on the 6th tee was remarkable.
We still have a few hot dogs left from last year and will re-purpose the beans for the next 6 Hot Dog nights.
Good luck next week and don't forget to share the Bone in Ribeye at the RockStone.

Young man Turner has had an allergic reaction to gnawing the synthetic rubber off of the ping pong paddles. He has uncontrollable spasms whenever he is around hot barmaids and goes into a cleaning frenzy when behind the bar. He recently promoted Achilles to night manager and was last seen looking for a customer's wallet in the men's room.
See you Fuckers next week.

New Season to Start- Meet at Turners After

Well Fella's its time to get ready to play our typical 5 hour round of Wednesday night golf.
I took the liberty of adding 6 more chapters to our bylaws as I need to be sure team Ronconian has every opportunity to win each week.

Hope you all had a nice offseason, I kept busy by furiously buffing my balls twice a day. I can't wait to show them to you all.



I also was able to peel off a few layers of rotten skin from the left over hot dogs so we are good to go for the 1st Hot Dog night.

See you fuckers soon.

Jerry